#MeToo: My Story

A shift is taking place. 

It's deeper than everyone saying #metoo just because..it's deeper than everyone saying to be seen. It doesn't matter the color of your skin, your religion or anything else that makes you different from me. It doesn't matter because you and I are connected by a powerful hashtag: #metoo.

I was nine years old at slumber party. Being a nine year old little girl at a house I felt comfortable being in. I felt like every single family member in that house was my family. My friend and I were being annoying little girls to a fifteen year old boy. He was threatening us to not go into his room or he was going to do things to us while we were asleep. We didn't feel fear because we thought he wouldn't do anything to harm us. We waited until he left his room and went running in there again. He figured out we were in there because of the things that were out of place we messed with. He came to us and said okay get ready cause I'm going to mess with y'all tonight. We laughed because we knew it was only going to be something like whip cream or toothpaste on our faces. Our plan was to pretend like we were asleep but then wake up to scare him. He ended up scaring us. We laid there pretending like we were sleep when he did some sexual things to us. I felt things things I shouldn't have felt until I was married. We didn't tell anyone because we thought we were going to get in trouble. I never felt the same. I felt ashamed. I felt like that was all I was worth.

When I turned thirteen since that was planted in my head that is all I was worth. Unfortunately, I carried myself that way at school and for many years after. I led boys on so I could "fit-in". I led one boy to my house but he brought another friend. I wasn't sure how far I was going to go with the boy but when I saw he brought his friend I changed my mind altogether. They didn't change their minds. I fought as much as I could. They ended up taking my virginity with their fingers. It was painful emotionally and physically. It was traumatizing.

I didn't heal from these events until years later because I buried them, deep. It took me a while because I didn't want to deal with it. I was ashamed and felt like it was my fault. However, it was the answer to why I was making some of the other bad decisions that I made in my life. It was why I didn't have any confidence in myself and why I only saw myself as someone men wanted to have sex with. I felt like that was all I was good for. These encounters affected how I took care of myself and the choices I made in men.

It wasn't until I started to see myself how God sees me, that I began to heal. It came to the point when I tried to kill myself, waiting on the floor to die, that God showed me who I am. You don't have to attempt suicide for God to show you how He sees you. Please don't. But that was my breaking point.

Some of you are having a breaking point now by posting the #metoo. This might be the first time you are dealing with your encounter. There are many others who are still not ready to put #metoo, and that's okay. I hope that seeing others put it is encouraging you to deal with your encounter so that you can begin to heal.

Steps to healing:

1. Talk about it. 
2. Forgive:
Forgive your self and the people involved. It's easier said than done but it is possible. All things are possible through Jesus who gives us strength. Philippians 3:14.
3. Don't let what happened define you.
I chose to let Jesus define me. I stayed reading my Bible and praying. I spent time praising and worshiping Him. He is the one who created you and He is the one who can truly heal you. You don't want to be on anti-depressants for the rest of your life. You don't want to get sad or angry all the time. It's time to turn to the one who can truly heal you, Jesus.

Some of you may be saying, "I've done those three things but I'm still not healed." If this is you let me encourage you to not give up on your healing. Sometimes God requires us to press in to Him even further before He releases something to us. God's timing is perfect and His promises are true. His promises healing, therefore you will be healed. Also, examine yourself to see if you are doing something to prolong the process of you receiving your healing. For example, if you pray and ask God for healing then start to doubt your healing, then you've slowed down the process. Don't give up on your healing process. It will be worth it when you are free from dealing with the hurt your encounter has caused you. Get free.